Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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