You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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