I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
