My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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