Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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