They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
