I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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