I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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