Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
