You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
