I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
