so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
