I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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