So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
