you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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