I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
