i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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