I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
