See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
