Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize