i don't want you to think of me as your TA
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
