I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
