I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
