I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
