Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
