This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Fuck appropriateness.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize