worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can't turn off my feet"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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