i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
