i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
