I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
