he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
