I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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