your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize