its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize