he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
