Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
