8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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