I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
