I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
