I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
