You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
