we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
