I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
