I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
