Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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