Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
