I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
