don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
