dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
