'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
