just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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