I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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