Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
