Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
