Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
