2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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