Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I could fuck to npr.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
