i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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