I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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