I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
