did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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