mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
