im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize