Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
