I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
