maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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