You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize