All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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