I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
