Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
